Confusing in life

Everyone in their life will come across this confusing in life. Doing something which is not YOU, yourself! Do you know what you want in your life? Do you know how to create yourself for future or better? Well, to me i dont know what i want YET. Maybe i have something in my mind but, it will not come true. For gals, im sure everyone wish to have a good husband which loves us always. Elaine, remember i told u before that HE can only be admired instead of being a lover? I dont know why, after so long and this time we meet up, i feel the passion is there.

We talked and we were like so loving as before. But he said he cant trust me anymore. I am angry to myself. Why i cant think nicely before i do something. Thats why i said, i am confuse with my life. Im not sure what i want. Who am i? Why i did this? Maybe as my friend said, "having the person around never appreciate till the person is not around only want to appreciate him, but its too late". Which is true!! Why human are like that?!

After that night i meet him, i cant stop missing him so badly. This kind of feeling is always on him. The feeling of missing him is so suffering, so torturing! You cant get to see, cant really can call, sms im sure there will be no reply. Everything is just Ignorant! But i will leave him a sms, if he reply then he reply. If not once a while he will call back. You know the feeling once your phone rings... That is so sucks! Make ourself miserable. That is call "fan chin'!! For your info, "fan chin" means, the person is so obvious ignoring you but you still want to talk or find the person.. Get whats that mean? Its the same as my situation. Sometimes i sit down and think, i feel so stupid doing all this. Still, i do it!

Seriously, i dont know why to him, why the feeling cant erase off like others? Its been like this since last year and this year is almost 2 years having this "underground" relationship. This underground relationship is somehow torturing.

Last but not least, all i can do now is wait and let time prove. I cant push myself to get near him, i will make him feel the trust back. Its just matter of time. Hopefully, it works... or it wont. This is how confusing i am lately. I dont know what i want! What is wrong with me?